Sunday, August 28, 2011

A Journey I Thought I'd Never Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Ever Embark On

This year, on the 4th of July, while millions of Americans were flipping burgers, grilling hot dogs, and generally putting it all into living up to the standards of meat consumption in America, I sat down to a beautifully browned, lavishly seasoned and mouth wateringly tender  brisket that my brother had been lovingly laboring over for 8+ hours and thought I was going to hurl. The idea of taking just one eencie weencie, teeny tiny bite of this hunk of meat absolutely repulsed me.



There were lots of things going on in my life at the time that contributed to my feeling of disgust for this slab of meat. I wish I could say it started out of something virtuous like a desire to save the environment or guilt for the poor animals I had so often cut into with out much thought, but I cant. There was very little higher thought connected with my disgust for this perfect brisket. I was just simply done. I could not put another bite of meat in my mouth. 


There I was looking in the face of vegetarianism in the carnivorous world of Texas hoping I could handle the challenge. No more beef fajita nachos at Ninfa's. No more chopped beef sandwiches from Goode Company or famous ribs a la my genius-at-the-BBQ-pit cousin. Not even a bite of Whole Foods chicken salad, a corned beef sandwich from Nielson's or a crazy irish-man role from Soma! My menu options had decreased significantly, but I still had cheese.


Cheese. The light of my eyes. The love of my life. By far the most wonderful, fantastic, delicious creation ever. Hard cheese. Soft cheese. Holy cheese. Melted cheese. Moldy cheese. I love all cheese. And now that I'm not eating meet, I thought it a fantastic idea to supplement my protein intake with the worlds most greatest, most amazingist, most yummiest food product ever - CHEESE! Life is great!!



Until .... lactose intolerance ruined everything.   


Now I found myself in the precarious position of being a lactose intolerant vegetarian .... basically a .... VEGAN! 


What?! Why?! Yikes!


To be honest, I'm not so stirred up about the whole egg thing. Really, eggs don't give me a problem. Especially modern eggs. I mean, it's not like they were going to turn into a baby chicken anyway. There's not even a rooster around most of these farms. 


But, for purity of the journey, I'll pretend to care about the egg thing ... as much as I possibly can. 


So, here's to the journey of veganism - a journey I never thought I, a meet eating, ice cream loving, cheese worshiping Texan would ever ever ever ever ever ever embark on.